The One Where I became a Superwoman

“Mamma, you didn’t really just do that!” my 10yo exclaimed while looking at me wide-eyed with amazement. I concur with her. The scene she had witnessed isn’t something that one expects to see in a bustling household with two school-going children early in the morning. As I dusted my clothes and wiped the streaks of dirt from my hands and hair, I felt smug with myself. This was stuff that would make me a legend in my social circle and seal my tormentors’ mouths forever. Not to mention, convince my family that I really ‘can do anything’. After all, feeling like a superwoman and doing something to deserve the title are two different things and I had earned my powers, err cape, err stars, whatever.

Let me first give you some background for this hilarious story of my unplanned adventure. My home has two bathrooms both of which have windows that open into a dry balcony at the back, where the washing machine occupies a place of prominence. The common bathroom has a backdoor to go there. We’ve on occasion had to endure A Jr’s jarring bathroom singing sessions, thanks to the connected windows. *Eyeroll* Anyway, it so transpired that the lock on the common bathroom kept getting stuck for over a couple of weeks leading us to replace not just the one but three others too.

I was closely observing the helper guy while he replaced the other three with brand new ones but received a call when he was working on the common bathroom door. It took him a fair amount of time and hammering on it to conclude that the previous lock was jammed badly and this one might need oiling regularly or may jam again. I nodded nonchalantly, not realising just how quickly that misfortune was going to knock on our door. Pun unintended.

Next day, I stepped into the kitchen at 5:30 am, my regular time. Apart from the whirring of fans in both bedrooms the house was silent. No one else is up before 6 am so I had a glass of warm water and prepped up for the husband and kids’ lunchboxes. The menu for the day was tomato rice, pistachios, and a banana. Once the rice was on the stove and the water bottles filled up, I went to answer nature’s call in the common bathroom so as not to disturb A’s light sleep. Alas it wasn’t his lucky day (and conversely my time to show my superwoman swag!).

As soon as I turned the lock to get out, it refused to budge. I smiled uncomfortably and tried again; no. I commanded it to open; still no. I cursed under my breath and turned it again; a hard no. I had a thought to try Alahamora but reprimanded myself for my foolishness since I didn’t have a wand. *Headpalm* I frantically tried a few times before proceeding to do the only logical thing I could think of; scream and get A to wake up.

A arrived at the door all groggy and confused and it took him a while to grasp the gravity of the situation. Between my frenetic instructions to check the rice and find the spare key from the cupboard, I had created enough furore to awaken the kids. With four sets of keys to go through, none of which seemed to work, all three of them were finally getting as flustered as I was. I asked A to grab the helper’s card kept on the dining table while the kids tried the keys again and ask him to come down. Easier said than done though.

Honestly, who would pick up a call from someone you did a job for at that ungodly hour? Thirty minutes had passed by then. A helplessly kept dialling his number but to no avail. The Friends lover in me somehow remembered the episode where Monica cleans the guys’ bathroom and I couldn’t help chuckling. Focus Varsh, I chided myself. It was almost 6:15 am and coaxed by the mother and superwoman in me I had a brainwave. Thanks to the many crime and thriller novels I read all day I figured, ‘Voila! I could slide out the other bathroom window!’

“Have you gone mad?” went a shocked A when I told him what I planned to do. Meticulous and determined though, I was confident I could pull it off. The kids had to get ready for school and I refused to be rendered powerless by an ordinary wooden door! I asked him to pack their lunch under Angel’s expert guidance and keep calling the guy. A Jr was tasked with gently removing the glass plates from their frame from the master bathroom window while I figured how to reach that height using my flexible Yoga body. My weight needed to be balanced using some serious acrobatics with one leg on the stool and the other on the washing machine after which I had to climb over.

“Does someone clean these plates? They’re coming off easily.” exclaimed a relieved A Jr. “Me. That someone is me.” I wanted to say but was too busy holding on to the water pipe and dear life. Curious A had joined the rescue party by then and discharged A Jr from duty to freshen up. With the glass plates off he looked at me with such love in his eyes I swear we could’ve hugged if not for the judaai ki deewar between us! “Come up slowly, I’ll hold you.” He said anxiously. I climbed on the window, turned, and slid out while he delicately caught me in his arms and gave me a brilliant smile. *Blushing*

“Hey, don’t they slide out a similar window and elope in Bobby?” was the first thing I could tell him. “You…!” was all he could reply me with (but I hope he thought superwoman). The relief and incredulity at the strange feat I had managed to maneuver was obvious in his expression though. He sadly got blisters on his fingers from all the key twisting but ignored them. Angel and A Jr looked at the window, flabbergasted that I could fit into it. Thankfully, all this drama wrapped up before 6:30 am, well in time for us to get back to our routine. And yes, the guy showed up in some time surprised that I was not locked in as A had mentioned on the nth call. I have a feeling he didn’t buy our story either. *Shrug*

Jokes aside, I had never been so proud of how well I take care of myself as I did that day. I’m known to hit the panic button for no reason but that day I was cool as a cucumber. I was in control of my mind and body, much like a superwoman who fights and beats the bad guys in style! As they say in tambola, I’ll be ‘Do chor’ ‘four and four’ 44 soon. Not a bad fitness level for my age, yes? 🙂

This blog post is part of ‘Blogaberry Dazzle’ hosted by Cindy D’Silva and Noor Anand Chawla in collaboration with Ratna Prabha.

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