How Reverse Psychology helped me stop resenting being a SAHM

Let’s face it, women are worriers and over thinkers. From rummaging hard through our wardrobe for a far-off cousin’s possible wedding next year to counting down calories to the last morsel we consume, it’s a superpower we were born with. We can’t help making castles in the air even while waiting for the milk to boil or soaking in a bathtub amidst exotic fragrances. Our generous and positive belief in self-love deflates swiftly from external influences. All it takes is a little unintentional (or not) jab from another woman about our inconsequential lives, thankless responsibilities and lost career opportunities, and we spiral down the rabbit hole faster than Alice would. It’s not a hyperbole, trust me. Thankfully, I believe that the best way to deal with it is by using reverse psychology on us. Why should others be at the receiving end every time, right?

“You are wasting your education sitting at home.”

“Don’t you feel you should do something worthwhile?”

“I can’t believe you exchanged a well-paying job for parenting.”

My career aspirations felt small compared to the newborn frail A Jr I held in my arms. His tiny frame was comfortably ensconced in my warmth and my motherly instincts simply refused to let him go. I handed over my resignation hesitantly but unequivocally. Postpartum depression coupled with lost financial freedom turned my life into utter chaos at that time but I somehow sailed through. That little baby is turning into an adult next week yet the judging hasn’t stopped. If people think the hurt stops hurting with time, let’s just say fresh burn marks over old scars hurt just as much. Luckily, after becoming an SAHM I found a handy burnol for my troubles and it seems to be working.

Parents use reverse psychology on kids all the time to convince them to do our bidding. Why not use it on ourselves and allow it to pull us out of our perceived misery? We’re millennials and have survived whatever came our way, right? ‘Ghee tedhi ungli se nikaalna’ might need more effort but gives a better sense of achievement and might just be the perfect reverse psychology experience we need.

Don’t miss the commute

Any Mumbaikar would know that, no matter what our field or designation, we’re bound to spend half our lives on commute. While the several new Metro lines and bridges have reduced travel time significantly, it remains the deal breaker for women who have a home to look after. I spent more than three hours every day twiddling my thumbs in the bus when that time could be put to better use at home. Can’t say I want to go through that again.

Living with the ever-present guilt

Let’s accept, working or otherwise, moms are often laden with some guilt or another. We stretch ourselves thin and still feel that we haven’t done enough. I remember going for a book event leaving toddler A Jr at home once and fretting not being with him. My friends threw curious glances at me when an author talked about what I felt; mom guilt. With my kids grown up now, I don’t need reverse psychology to tell me to chill. Yet, reminders are good.

Home sweet home

Before I became a SAHM for good our home resembled a battlefield. Inviting anyone involved at least half a day’s worth of dusting and cleaning. Not to mention the musty smell from lack of ventilation all day. I abhorred investing in décor items since it meant added effort for maintenance. My home looked barely lived in and lacked any personal touch. Contrast it with the beautiful, happy space we have now! We love our home and it happily loves us back. What a joyful feeling!

Hands on parenting experience

Everyone has a different approach to parenting. With due respect to others, I wasn’t comfortable leaving my children in strangers’ care. Mundane things like playing with them, teaching them to chant mantras, holding their hand while they learnt to write, etc made me immensely happy. I practiced their dance steps with them and taught them how to workout with me. I’ve cheered them through the stands for every single performance (and cried a bit as well). They made me a better and calmer person and I’m not wrong in saying that I grew up with them as too.

They say that the grass is always greener on the other side. Well, it could be. That doesn’t mean one cannot be proud of their side, right? If only we learnt to see beyond appearances and believed that everyone’s journey is different, we won’t need reverse psychology to show us our worth. The fact that my life plans don’t revolve around free weekends and I have the creative freedom to express myself shouldn’t be taken lightly. And yes, my entire existence isn’t about being a mom. If you know me at all, you know!

This blog post is part of ‘Blogaberry Dazzle’
hosted by Cindy D’Silva and Noor Anand Chawla
in collaboration with Tanvi Agarwal.

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Varsh

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