When I started my first blog on Blogger 13 years ago it was more or less an online personal diary. I wrote anonymously and loved the freedom it gave me to express, interact and occasionally rant. Varsh became my pen name and my husband and toddler son with their numerous histrionics regularly featured on it. Don’t get me wrong, I was prudent to realise that it was in the public domain and never crossed any boundaries. It wasn’t the same although a fleeting substitute to my diary back home, a precious treasure that seemed too personal to share even with my husband.
Back in my school days, a personal diary was a must-have. Kajol wrote romantic poems in HER diary in DDLJ, right? We couldn’t be left far behind! Never mind that we had to suffice with one of the many New Year diaries that arrived at home through our Dads’ business contacts. Every New Year began with an unshakeable resolution to fill in those pages with our creative imagination; poems, essays, drawings, et al. However, my personal diary, as I recall vividly, mostly had Madonna, Boyzone, Backstreet Boys, and other English songs written all over it.
Was I lazy to write about my days, friends, or silly matters of the heart? No. Nervy yes, lazy never! Having a younger brother who rummaged through my stuff in my absence and would cheerfully tell on me wasn’t a happy prospect after all. Locks were for strangers and sharing with siblings was good manners, or so we were told. Where in my heart would I find the courage to be myself?
After all these years I finally, again, have a space of my own. A study table I share with my son, but which is mine nevertheless. Would it be surprising then that the day I set my hands on it, I wrote in the personal diary that I had bought a while back and saved only for this special occasion? Holding a pen and writing in it with the cool evening breeze blowing over my face and a cup of Masala chai waiting to be devoured was a feeling I can never get enough of.
My handwriting has fetched me immense praise from friends, family, and teachers alike (although now it isn’t half as good as before). Others may have a different opinion, of course. For now, I’m again treading carefully, writing what can be written and saving the rest for a better time and space.
This post is a part of Blogchatter Half Marathon
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