My wittiest humour fell short of words trying to find an apt sneer for what lay in front of my eyes. The real me, hidden under umpteen dreadful folds of skin, pleaded to be released from the lumpy cage. The scale, while encountering appalling disappointment and few unshed tears, was spared from facing the brunt. Sure this wasn’t alarming but was waiting till then a wise step?
Blame it on my Marwari genes or Mom’s awesome cooking, my battle with weight started in my adolescent years itself. I was an awkward teenager who was never picked for sports or school dances. When classmates viciously guffawed at my baggy clothing I retaliated by stuffing my face with more potato chips and stepping into isolation. I should’ve known and done better then. Sigh!
Now years, marriage and two kids later I was face-to-face with the same girl. The chubby cheeks and wide frame conveniently masqueraded the solid efforts I had taken to not be the same fat girl again. I disliked and disapproved of everything I saw. Foolishly, I looked around for a sign, some divine Akashwani type intervention or some earth-shattering occurence to get the big bulk of me moving. It obviously didn’t happen.
Do we need to look around for motivation?
Why should someone push us for what’s good for us?
Aren’t we responsible for our own well-being?
Revelation happens in a moment though; unannounced and quite unexpectedly. Looking at the mirror, “This is too much and I need to do something about it!” was all the motivation I needed. My wardrobe had stacks of beautiful dresses that were hardly worn and I was determined to adorn them soonest. Looking at them fondly, I promised myself a makeover. I owed this to that teenager who sacrificed skirts and jeans and settled for loose-fitting salwar suits in college.
A maintained that he ‘loves me the way I am’ but my self-love needed more convincing than that. I decided to make the scale my friend and work with it as a team. Wouldn’t it be happier to feel less burdened by my awesomeness? 😉
I idolise Monica’s character in Friends and Kajol in real life for conducting themselves the way they do. They’re both gorgeous women whose beauty isn’t just about looking good. I know ‘what’s inside matters the most’ but it doesn’t hurt if the exterior gives a tempting befitting glimpse of it, right?
Stay with me as I take you on a non-preachy and personal journey through the last few months of ‘Claiming myself back’ in this year’s #MyFriendAlexa activity. I’m hoping that jotting it down will prove as a keepsake for me in future and/or serve as a wake-up call to anyone who might need it.
Thanks for reading. Please do share your thoughts with me.