It is difficult to place your finger at the exact point where ‘sharing your concerns’ with someone starts getting perceived as ‘whining’. Sure, all of us crave to have a patient ear to listen to matters that are close to our heart and deeply impact our lives. Does that person really feel, understand or consider them worthy though?

More often than not, although not ill-advised, such bonds generally leave people with a bitter after-taste. How advisable or not is it then to confide in someone seemingly considerate and generous in the initial stages?

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46 thoughts on “Understanding people

  1. Like the saying goes -99% of them do not care about us or our problems. The 1% is hard to find.????????
    And its difficult to trust someone these days. With almost everyone wearing a mask, You never know when people change or show their true Colors. We talk thinking the other person is just like us, only to find out later that they never cared!

    1. Sadly, that’s true. Like they say, few people care rest are just curious.
      What I do find troubling is if you can’t be bothered why the facade in the first place?

        1. Hmmm. Whatever happened to the ‘it is her news let her share it’ thing? Don’t such people find themselves alone and repenting when they face the same situation?

          1. They might feel alone but they won’t repent when they are going through the same situation. It is like “her’s was different, it was her mistake. In my case, it was never my mistake”. ???????? I dunno if it’s called self-love or liars????????

          2. ???????????????????????????? ???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? or the dolphin? ????????????

  2. I think there cannot be pre-defined guidelines as to what should be the ideal course of action in this matter. In hindsight most of our actions appear as if they should not have been taken or should have been done a bit differently. Now considering this should we stop listening to us because of the fear that in future we might regret this ? it sure will convert us inrt robots.

    Another thing, ant decision (confiding in this case) taken in the past was take be “the person me” and we should atleast respect ourselves and our decision irrespective of outcome which might be bitter, sweet or mixed. And yes, we should be prepared to take many such “false” decisions in future as well 🙂

    1. The human side of us will always want to believe that the other person is indeed the same as us, but even without getting bitter we need to guard ourselves from such experiences in future.
      Once I get cheated you are wrong, but twice I get cheated I’m the fool. Lessons must be learned.

      1. True doodh kaa jala chhachh bhi phook phook kar peeta hai…But as one reader has pointed out here sometimes we may not be aware of all that happened behind the scenes…You remember you once told in a blog post about your misunderstanding with someone which got resolved when you got to know how a third person was trying to create misunderstanding between you two..
        It is our nature that one negative experience gets more prominence over 99 positive ones and we tend to let this single one shape our opinion..we just should avoid such traps…
        Regarding being guarded it should be based on our comfort level i think..

        1. You are right about the misunderstanding thing, but here I was discussing mainly between the two people involved and how what seemed like a genuine caring relationship suddenly feels like a burden to the other person.
          I think it is best to state it and make the right decision.

          1. That is why i said we may not be sometimes aware of the whole picture…what appears like a thing between just two individuals may also involve other people direcly or indirecly a stakeholders and who may like to assert themselves as well…and then it becomes pull and counter pull…

    1. Agree that everyone has their problems, then it can be a give and take relationship too. It is distasteful when you make others confide and judge them.

          1. Well if you don’t depend on anyone else.. then no one can hurt you..

            But these are my thoughts and I am in a weird world at moment.. ????
            So don’t listen to them..

          2. ???????????? Ok ok…whatever works for you my friend. Come out of the weird world…party karenge…weekend hai ????????????

  3. People are so busy with their own problems that they hardly care about other’s. I genuinely feel it is not a good idea to share your concerns with someone unless you are very sure that he genuinely cares for you and would bail you out if the problem.

    1. You are right Radhika. One must be careful about what they confide and to whom. Sometimes though in a weak moment it is possible that we open up with someone not so close. Being taken for a ride by such a person can be heartbreaking. Isn’t it?

  4. I think the person at the receiving end may not even know it, but subconsciously it becomes an ego issue. When in any kind of friendship or any other relationship, if everything is about a single person, about the problems of a single person, the other one might feel neglected and unimportant. This is just another perspective to your post.

    1. This is a completely different perspective. I hadn’t thought of this. Yes, its true. Often driven by their own problems people can get ignorant about others and lead them to feel neglected. Shouldn’t any such feeling be stated clearly? There’s this short film… Someone I knew. It perfectly summarises your take on this. See it if you haven’t. Its quite emotional. Loved your comment. Thanks. ????

  5. well, varsha..there are people who wear such a mask or are forced to wear such a mask….and as you said, we are even double fooled..still the game is on..

    1. As long as there are people this is bound to happen. ???? It just doesn’t seem right that people should or can drift away due to such differences.

  6. People’s understanding is restricted to their experiences n beliefs…. Sometimes what you say they just don’t feel is worthy enough to be crying over n hence a neglect to your concern… No doubt there are some who are there for just gossip but then if you have a genuine friend n doesn’t understand then it’s just a difference in perceptions of both…n thats my understanding ????

  7. Interesting blog and conversation: I frequently ponder this social issue. I happen to agree with Bitramjit, I’ve sometimes relied on others and they have always disappointed me. I keep to myself and if a social invite/interaction happens, I take it for the random but not repeated occurrence that I know it will be – no expectations, no hurt feelings. After over half a century of trying to ‘fit in’ socially I’ve learned the hard lesson: some people are born to be outcasts and there is no action that is going to change that. Best become self-sufficient and learn to be happy with yourself and what you’ve accomplished with no help from others.

    1. Being self-sufficient is a good thing, but don’t you think outcast is a slightly harsh word? Yes, no expectations is indeed the best way to go but we’re all human. Someway or the other the feeling creeps up from somewhere. Don’t you think?
      Thank you so much for your comment. Welcome here. ☺

      1. “outcast”…
        The word isn’t as harsh as the life.
        And self-sufficiency isn’t always a choice.
        People who live “on the fringe of society” are not there by choice – common sense dictates that IF people are shown respect, consideration and are not abuse, bullied, harassed, or chronically made to feel like they are not welcomed, don’t belong – then these people wouldn’t choose to make themselves small, invisible, anything to avoid abuse. Before they become hermits, live under bridges or kill themselves, they generally have run out of options. But this is a digression from your post. 🙂

        1. I hope the world realises how cruel it is to be mean to anyone to this extent. If this is indeed the case then I really wouldn’t blame if anyone chooses to become self-sufficient.

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