General, India, Love, Taking up issues, Women

Choosing your own relationships

I’m Nu from Randomness had tagged me for the entry to this blog post at Indusladies on occasion of Women’s Day. I’ve chosen to write on Relationships.

I’d like to define relationships as those complex alliances wherein all the associated parties are related, with or without their consent and will. They’re supposed to bring about a positive change in our lives and help us grow and prosper. But what happens when one such relationship becomes the saddest truth of your life, a weight that you don’t want to carry?
Let me tell you a small story about a girl, say S. S belonged to a conservative joint family. Her family consisted of her Granny, many uncles and aunts and a whole lot of cousins. She however was the only child of her parents. Affluence was not something that her family had been able to enjoy. Her Grandpa had passed away when her father was young, and Granny had brought up all her kids all by herself. Her father was the youngest of all brothers.
She was the apple of her parents’ eye. While living in a joint family it was not possible for them to cater to all her wishes, but they did all they could for her. She was a vivacious, chirpy and pampered little girl with many dreams. When she stepped into teenage, as inadvertently happens with most of us, she fell in love. The boy had all she could ask for; good looks, good family and a good job. But there was a catch. The guy was from another caste and hence an alliance was complicated. She endlessly tried to convince her family, but it all went into vain. Even her parents refused to take her side. Sadly, she couldn’t bring herself to rebel against her own family. The end result: she was married to another guy much against her wish and packed away to a faraway city.
Let’s see how life changed for her post-marriage. This girl who used to lighten up the mood in any room with her mere presence had become unnaturally quiet and gloomy after marriage. Her resentment for her family was understandable, but unfortunately her husband too never tried to make her feel loved and cared for. She tried to accept her husband, his family, his life, but it was easier said than done. There was a void in her life that refused to get filled up. While she was battling with all these problems, she had no idea that there was a storm just waiting to hit her.
To cut a long story short, she met someone. Let’s call this someone R. R came into her life like a ray of light. He became the friend she needed, the companion she desired. He listened to her talk about her life, her likes and dislikes, her music, her poetry, everything that no one had ever tried to know. He made her laugh again, made her want to live again, made her love again. Yes! She fell in love with him. Without her knowledge, but slowly and very surely he became a part of her life. I know this is not ideally what a woman is expected to do, but she did. Wasn’t it obvious?
You’d ask me what happened next, right? What followed was not something anyone had anticipated. She came out in the open about her relationship with him since she didn’t want to cheat her husband behind his back. The relationship with R was sacred to her and she wanted it to command all the respect it deserved.
What I wanted to portray with this story was that everyone in this world should be given the right and freedom to make their own choices. We cannot choose our family, our relatives, but we can choose our friends and our life partners. These decisions should be taken with the approval of all people involved or we’d witness another story like that of S. In this case S had the courage to stand up for her love and her desired life, but what about those not-so-courageous ones who feel trapped but still are a part of such a bad marriage?
I agree my choice of topic is different from the usual ones, but I strongly feel that we need to come out of the closet and accept things for what they are. Living in ignorance and fear of truth can only result in us living unhappily.
I tag  Reflections,Titaxy and D.

13 thoughts on “Choosing your own relationships

  1. "…everyone in this world should be given the right and freedom to make their own choices."I agree absolutely. I am so glad for S that she found someone and also was brave to come out with it.Good luck with the competition.

  2. There are many like S , esp in India. Some come out in the open. Some cheat. S could have been a male too.Thanks for the tag. Am honoured. :)Have written many articles on relationships and they have been published in various mags and books. So this tag felt like 'work' to me..Already inundated with loads of work. Am sure you understand if I pass this tag.Cheerspreeti

  3. Oops. I tagged Reflections too. Nice post. That is a difficult predicament to be in. My question is: If she could fall in love with a third person, she might as well have loved her husband. Was she in love with the idea of 'falling in love?' But it surely is difficult to be pushed into a relationship.

  4. @ Shail : Coming out in the open is the hardest part, isn't it? Glad she got what she wanted finally..Thanks Shail 🙂 Welcome to my blog :)@ Preeti: Oops…had I known I'd have tagged someone probs..and S could very well have been a male, true…@ Butterfly: Reflections cannot pass this on even if she wants..she'll HAVE to take this up :DI feel that what she wanted was an experience that would lift up her spirits and make her fall in love..and her husband wasn't helping her there…fair enough?

  5. You still can!I am honoured though that you tagged me–thank you for that!All the best with the competition.Incompatibility is one of the many things that shakes a commited relationship.Cheerspreeti

  6. Sigh. What a state to be in. Coming out and being open is the best thing to do.Thanks for tagging, Varsh. Two others passed this on to me too, so I will definitely get this done by Thursday. 🙂

  7. Wow! S certainly has the guts. I am impressed you know. Usually married women are expected to behave in a certain manner and S did break all stereotypes. Hope she is happy wherever she is. 🙂

  8. @ Preeti: Thanks dear 🙂 Any relationship can work only when both people have mutual love and the same level of commitment…and it is not something that can be learnt or can only be acquired by instinct and felt..isn't it?@ Titaxy: Great! I'd actually expected that you might've been already 🙂 Isn't it sad when you have to subject yourself to a life you dread? Just being honest about it to yourself and others can get you everything you want!

  9. @ G: You know G, I've come across girls who had a past before marriage or who have feelings for someone even though they are bound by the promises of marriage. But, there's a very rare S-like girl who can actually show such kind of courage. There's one I know who left her 3 yr old kid and husband to remarry her ex-flame! What can we say to that?

  10. S showed Courage in its truest sense…I mean it was easy for her to just languish in her apathy for the rest of her life and call it fate.Thats was written beautifully, thanks for sharing!!!I didnt know u had tagged me, thank U:-))!!!!

  11. @ Reflections: Thanks..Her courage was what made me write you said accepting it as fate and spending her whole life in misery was easy enough…but she chose to stand up for what she really wanted 🙂

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