All of us must’ve heard the line, ‘parents try to relive their childhood through their children‘ many times. It is not unnatural for parents to be all dreamy-eyed about what future holds for their little ones and expect them to carry forward their name and legacy. Parents have a tendency to assume that the virtues and vices with which they’re born and lived with will undoubtedly run down to the next generation. Is it true and does that happen every time? I guess not.
There are lots of things that we, as parents, fail to notice while bringing up our kids whilst unknowingly comparing our ways to the ways of our parents. ‘I never had so many toys‘, ‘My father never spent so much time with me’, ‘My mother was always there for me’,’I didn’t have a cupboard full of clothes‘ and things like this are pasted all over our minds, and mistakenly we expect our kids to be thankful for the kind of lifestyle we’re giving them.For them, this is the way life is, isn’t it?
A Jr is just about 3.4 yr old now and I’m amused when people come and ask what plans I have for his future. You’re going to make him an engineer like both of you or you’re going to put him in Commerce? The world’s so full of competition, you think you’re choosing the right school for him? Make sure you encourage him to pay attention to extra-curricular activities…and so on. I stare incredulously at them, not knowing the answers to most of these questions.Such a little baby and subjecting him to competition,especially when it is not necessary? Why not let him choose to do what he wants, like I was allowed to? Encouragement is one thing, compulsion is another.
I was always a good student but never the one who stood first in class or brought home medals or certificates. My parents never complained or compared us with the better performing ones around, only motivating us to outperform ourselves. They gave us what we wanted but only after we did something worthy of achieving it.Is it not better to give our kids the same treatment, not bribing but complacently awarding?
I think I’ve digressed a lot here, but I guess I’ve made my point too.Wanting our kids to be clones of us is unfair. We might be the best amongst the lot of our time, but its not necessary that our child will be too. If we do something for our kid,it should be out of love,not duty or authority. Let him choose what he wants to. We can only lead the way, walking or not should be in his hands.
There are lots of things that we, as parents, fail to notice while bringing up our kids whilst unknowingly comparing our ways to the ways of our parents. ‘I never had so many toys‘, ‘My father never spent so much time with me’, ‘My mother was always there for me’,’I didn’t have a cupboard full of clothes‘ and things like this are pasted all over our minds, and mistakenly we expect our kids to be thankful for the kind of lifestyle we’re giving them.For them, this is the way life is, isn’t it?
A Jr is just about 3.4 yr old now and I’m amused when people come and ask what plans I have for his future. You’re going to make him an engineer like both of you or you’re going to put him in Commerce? The world’s so full of competition, you think you’re choosing the right school for him? Make sure you encourage him to pay attention to extra-curricular activities…and so on. I stare incredulously at them, not knowing the answers to most of these questions.Such a little baby and subjecting him to competition,especially when it is not necessary? Why not let him choose to do what he wants, like I was allowed to? Encouragement is one thing, compulsion is another.
I was always a good student but never the one who stood first in class or brought home medals or certificates. My parents never complained or compared us with the better performing ones around, only motivating us to outperform ourselves. They gave us what we wanted but only after we did something worthy of achieving it.Is it not better to give our kids the same treatment, not bribing but complacently awarding?
I think I’ve digressed a lot here, but I guess I’ve made my point too.Wanting our kids to be clones of us is unfair. We might be the best amongst the lot of our time, but its not necessary that our child will be too. If we do something for our kid,it should be out of love,not duty or authority. Let him choose what he wants to. We can only lead the way, walking or not should be in his hands.
kids today are really overburdened i feel. it is good that you are aware that your child needs to make his/her choice when the time comes and not care a hang about what others have to say.
We make too much a deal of things I feel yaar…kyun itna tension dena kids ko….when I hear about kids being sent for counselling for stress it really creeps me out…its their age to enjoy and live life na…
I agree to lot of , well all of, things that you have written here..yesterday when me and Chirpy were in the park, her friend's mother started asking me does crawl,does she started sprouting teeth, what about her standing skills…etc…and then she started talking about her 1 year old son [who is just 4 months older to C] I was like what the hell? What are you trying to do? Why are you wanting to know where my daughter stands on milestone scale? Aren't we here just for the sake of our child's pleasure ? But of course all this was said in my mind!Majority of parents everywhere start comparing children on the whole..and thankfully parents like you,me and the other our types understand that there is so much to children other than comparing and constantly monitoring their achievements…that every child is different in it's own way and we need not push them to do things that we think they should be doing….
IT is good that the parents of today are aware of the dangers of pushing their kids into competition of every kind, but this percentage of parents is very small, if you ask me. The majority is in the throes of 'peer pressure' of its own and therefore uses the kids as pawns in the game.
@Scribby: It starts so early on in life, esp if you have two kids in the same house almost the same age. I'm facing this thing in my own house, only it is with A Jr and my nephew. Both of them enjoy each other's company immensely. Why then do people have to spoil it all by comparing both of them? One is so tidy, the other is so friendly, one looks so smart, the other is so cute….it is so irritating at times!Comparing kids is almost like an insult to them. At their tender age all they need and deserve is patience and perseverance. Some kids pick up things fast, some are plain lazy but they learn eventually. I went through a worrying phase myself when A Jr hardly spoke till he was 2, and now he talks so much that I need to either shut his mouth or cover my ears. :)They should be left to explore their own world is what I feel. If they want to do something they'll come to us for it, wouldn't they? Why not let them choose it then?
@zephyr: I so agree with you! People want to flaunt what their kids achieve, while not stopping for a moment to introspect. Have they done what they needed to do to help him? If he wouldn't live up to their expectations would they be as forgiving? I think parents are the first people who're responsible in making kids aware of what competition is, and it is not right. I hope the percentage increases, kids today need empathy, the ruler rule doesn't work anymore.
Agree with you, We cant or SHUD not make our kids a copy of us. I feel in India specially kids are too heavily burdened with study this and that .. Had I been there I probably would have the same idea but coming over to uk has sort of opened my eyes, I came to UK as I had no other option, doctor/eng i could not become was never good enough So coming here to earn POUNDS as a labourer or something was the only best option as I cud not see anything else , when i came here I found there are so many avenues , and here I am what i am .. If only back home kids are given the option to do what they want to they will be so happy and actually do what they do good… I hope I dont turn out like that and push my kids to be a Doc or Eng since I could not make one of them do the hard work.. Parents are educated these days BUT its a long way to go when a kid comes home and says Dad I have decided to be Artist, painter or a Veterinarian and parents help him achieve the goal.. long road ahead for that .. Advice is must YES we shud advice the kids whats good or bad hopefully they will listen and not do the wrong BUT then THAT wrong is what we think it may RIGHT for the kids 🙂 Bikram's
Yes true. Our minds are so accustomed to the only few career options that a new one sounds like a bad idea to us. Imagine if the parents of brightest minds in the world discouraged them to do what they did what would happen. Also, one thing that we cant ignore here is that the option that they choose should be feasible too na, I mean the opportunities available, the places where the courses are offered etc. If it is not workable we need to tell the kids that, not that they're choice is wrong.We have a habit of seeing the commercial viability of everything, guess that's one reason why parents are so adamant. Like nowadays, everyone I know wants to take up computers, if they dont their parents make them. Has anyone heard the law of demand and supply?Experience and knowledge must open our minds to new things, not push us to stick to the tried and tested methods.