Imagine living the best time of your life, personally and professionally, and in the blink of an eye, you find yourselves sitting alone in a dark pit surrounded by smelly dirt. The mud is clinging to your body and although it feels revolting you can’t rub it away. You don’t know why or what got you there but choose to pull the entire blame on yourself, undeservedly so. There is no way to leave and the walls seem like they’re closing in on you. This was how 2023 was for me. I’ve never felt so vulnerable, lonely, helpless, and inconsequential as this year. Yes, there were a few highs that I shared with lots of people but the lows were for me and sliced my heart from within, every single day. 2024, literally, then feels like the welcome change I needed in my life. So much so, that I even etched out a few New Year un-resolutions keeping self-love in mind (with a flexible no-strings-attached clause!).
If you’re a follower of my blog you might know that I went through a major transformation a few years ago. While I often look back fondly at how far I’ve come, 2023 brought me pretty close to my older self. I took reckless liberties, mentally and physically, and allowed negativity and self-doubt to breach my usually impenetrable exterior. People around me weren’t equipped to handle my sudden devil-may-care attitude and let me figure my way out. If necessity is the mother of invention, then desperation is the father of transformation. There’s nothing that self-love and a good workout cannot achieve for me. I finally decided to do the right thing and am doing great so far.
Probably a result of several unsavoury lessons learned over the years, I find it extremely difficult to ask for help. I easily zone out in a crowded room or pick self-isolation over socializing whenever I feel my energy reserves depleting. As 2024 was coming close, for the first time I chose to involve others in my much-needed transformation in a limited capacity. It’s amazing how accepting your family and friends can be if you recognise their efforts in your life. Personally, I deliberated that I needed to go back to the board, make a few serious tweaks, and disengage with some things to go ahead. Who said self-love came easy, right?
I’m sharing my five self-love un-resolutions for 2024 which came to me after a serious consideration of what I wanted to achieve. 2024 is not going to be about doing different things, it’s going to be about doing the same things differently (yes, Shiv Khera after-effects still exist). Hope you find them relatable too.
Un-doing earlier mistakes
Unless you’re an introvert who thrives in solitude loneliness can be damaging. Last year I almost became a recluse and didn’t step out of my home, sometimes for days. I delegated chores to my husband and son while binging on OTT and doing unnecessary random stuff. I read a lot but didn’t retain or review most of it. This year, I’ve decided to consciously mingle with like-minded people and welcome all the meaningful conversations and experiences. I won’t make excuses to not show up if I can manage it. Also, I’m going to be present, all in, in the moment.
Un-learning things that don’t help
Social media is one of the biggest hassles and addiction in the life of a writer. For the creative juices to flow one needs focus and patience and I’ve been missing both big time. Rather than watching self-love videos on Instagram, it’s better to practice self-love by indulging in a hobby or doing something I love. My ebook draft has been waiting to be completed for ages now. If possible I would like to not give too much of myself to others and concentrate on achieving my goals. Self-help is indeed the best help.
Doing un-easy stuff
It’s easy to escape awkward stuff but important to face it. Whether it is picking a bone with someone, chasing people for money, or dealing with someone’s interference in my life, I take days to make a move. Unpleasant memories rigidly cling to my existence making me lose my productivity and happiness. Self-love can never come without inner peace and on that note, I’m going to try and face those demons. KISS (Keep it simple, silly) and TELL (Talk, engage, leave, lady), that’s the best way to let go of discomforting feelings.
Un-following the haters
And I don’t mean this only on social media. While few people take joy or pride in seeing you shine, others would give an arm and leg to see you fall. After my transformation, some friends sought advice from me while some people gave me hateful vibes. Not sharing work opportunities, undermining your achievements, and claiming ignorance after silent stalking are just some pointers that should ring a bell. It’s fun to make your haters turn shades of red, green, and grey but my self-love would be in keeping them at bay.
Un-accepting unsolicited advice
I faced some serious health problems last year. It took nearly four months to sort out and wreaked havoc with my mind and body. I gained weight and faced emotional turmoil like never before. Instead of standing with me, some near and dear ones questioned my choice and made it a nightmare in the disguise of advicing. My husband was my biggest support at that time and encouraged me to take it slowly. Thanks to him and some close friends, I’m healthy, happy, and free of any regrets now. An important lesson learnt though, is “Let them talk if they want to, you don’t need to listen.”
Self-love for me is all about owning my life and my decisions. I’ve signed up for several running challenges this year and am planning to get back to writing regularly. Exciting things are happening at the home front too. Teenager A Jr who is in tenth standard will start college and Angel, now 9yo, is joining a new school. They’re going to need an anchor to keep them sane and a hand to hold in testing times. For them and me, I need to be in top form. Not to worry at all, like Shahrukh Khan says, “Main Hoon Na!”.
This post is part of The Year & You Blog Hop hosted by Swarnali Nath
© This site A Vibrant Palette is the property of Varsha Bagadia. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Varsha Bagadia and A Vibrant Palette with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Varsha, can’t tell you how much I loved your thoughts which you have beautifully expressed through your writing. I have always been an admirer of your writing. I have so much to say about this one.
First of all, kudos to you for accepting that something needs to be changed. Then the word un-resolution. Yes, I can recall Shiv Khera’s words.
Each and every pointer you have mentioned is just bang on. I completely believe in them and follow them every year or you can say every passing day. Summing each day makes one full year so I believe why to wait for the year end to reflect upon the home by days. Why not to reflect each day and make the next day a better one for us…
Once again thank you for giving me such a wonderful read to start my day..
Dear Varsha,
You experienced a lot in 2023 but the good part that I can see is that we get the chance to meet a new, confident and better version of Varsha in 2024. Just remember whatever happens in life happens for a reason and in your case the reason was the discovery of refreshing and positive Varsha who understand the need and importance of self love ❤. I also learned about self love in a hard way and so I value people who value self love.
Keep going Varsha nothing can stop you in life and you know now the art of live life kingsize.
God bless you and my best wished for 2024.
Much love
Samata💞
Such a cool post. The un-resolutions you’ve outlined for 2024 are brilliant. Here’s to a year of doing the same things differently and prioritizing yourself.
I’m one of those who know about your wonderful transformation. The early months of 2023 were not good for you but you came back stronger! I’m glad you wrote this list of un-resolute. I suppose many of us would benefit from it:)
Totally agree with your five self-love un-resolutions 🙂 High 5!
Glad that your devil-may-care attitude & seeking for help got the support.
Supportive family is always there for us.
This line is so true- “If necessity is the mother of invention, then desperation is the father of transformation.”
I believe that we have to be desperate & have the hunger & will to really want to transform.
Metamorphosis starts with & can happen with “Me”
Wishing you a great 2024.
It’s so interesting to note that a lot of us have talked about making self-love front and centre in 2024 but like you rightly said, it is difficult. More importantly, everyone has a different definition of self-love. I hope you’re able to have more conversations and share your thoughts in a safe space in 2024. Cheers to you and lots of love.
Un-resolution was a very clever choice of words Varsha! Unlearning past behavior that has proved detrimental to self is very important as they teach in Behaviour therapy. I still struggle with unpleasant tasks – when people ask for a loan and do not return the money on time when someone asks you for treatment but does not wish to pay for it, when you call up a friend or relative who has not been quite well but they start going into trivial daily things and gossiping … the list goes on. I am taking a leaf from your post to help me get the work done. Have a great New Year, Varsha !
I like your un-resolutions! I was also a daredevil and rebel during my younger days, somehow, I miss that overly optimistic and high-risk taker. I would like to go back to some of those aspects, having learned or un-learned some things during ageing. I have also decided to lessen my social media time and put it into more useful stuff. I hope your un-resolutions are all fulfilled this year!
It’s great that you’re unfollowing haters. And glad that despite your ailment and all, you’ve come out of it with your husband’s support. May you be well and let’s hope to meet again someday! All the best for 2024.
self love is making oneself a priority, work out makes anything possible. I think this statement is my take away today as I am also looking forward to be more energetic, fit and healthy. Your post is indeed so pleasant to read through.
Varsha, you know that I always love your daunting spirit to face life as it is. I learn it from you. And most importantly, I choose you to enter my close circle and look up to you for a serious matter because I always find your advice is practical and earned from year-long experience, not like some people who give gyan from swimming in the shallow water. Let me tell you a fact, I am a big fan of the ‘un’ words because at a point they teach us the most important life lessons. That’s why, I thoroughly loved the way you have written this post. Thanks for joining the blog hop and making it successful with your gracious presence. Gratitude. Wishing you a Happy 2024.
Ong!! It seems that you have written this post on me for me 😄I can totally relate to your struggle with social media distractions! Your perspective on shifting focus from watching self-love videos to practicing it through hobbies is an eye-opener. It’s so true that dedicating time to personal goals can often take a back seat in the whirlwind of social media.
By the way, I’m in the same boat with my ebook draft lingering in the draft folder, and I find myself blaming the lack of time. Your words are a timely reminder to prioritize what truly matters. Here’s to reclaiming our time and achieving our goals. Hope we both finish with that ebook this year 🤞.
If necessity is the mother of invention, then desperation is the father of transformation. So well put! I’m sorry to learn that the year 2023 was tough for you. When you say, “It’s amazing how accepting your family and friends can be if you recognise their efforts in your life. ” I’m totally with you because in the times I was honest and vulnerable with the people I trust, it was a beautiful healing experience. I completely resonate with all your un-resolutions and most with Un-following the haters.
Thank you for sharing this post, Varsha. It was a deep-dive not only into your tough days and epiphanies, but also an insightful read on how we need to embrace and love ourselves. I hope 2024 turns out to be a better year for you and it leads to all that you hope and work towards.
This post resonated so well with me. I too struggled last year a lot and felt lonely. It can be termed as one of the unproductive years of my life. I wish you rejuvenation and a lot of good wishes for this year.
Love the idea of un-resolutions. With you on the devil may care attitude. People do have major problems with that. Mom has mastered it. I still struggle with it sometimes. Wishing 2024 is kind to you. And hope to have a chance to read your ebook soon.
Your post looks like something written for me too. Every ‘Un’ works for me. Gosh! As I read each of them, I was nodding my head in acceptance. In that sense, you have given me a reminder to know what not do this year. Thank you for that. And here’s hoping you have a great year ahead too.
Un-resolution, this word is more powerful than resolution itself. Seriously, we need to empty ourselves before we learn something or become more productive. Every pointer was bang on especially the devil may care attitude.Thankyou for giving us the reminder of what not to follow. Wishing you a very Happy, healthy and prosperous year ahead !!
Wow girl, bravo. Your 2024 seems to be powerful and fulfilling with your 5 resolutions. Unlearning things that are not useful anymore is the best we can do this year and feel lighter.
Sending you lots of love and strength for a brighter 2024! Your journey through 2023 was tough, but your commitment to self-love un-resolutions is truly admirable. Wishing you joy, growth, and positive vibes ahead!
Your openness about the challenges faced in 2023 is both brave and relatable, Varsha. Your self-love un-resolutions for 2024 reflect a profound commitment to positive change. The decision to consciously engage with others, prioritize meaningful experiences, and un-do past mistakes demonstrates resilience. Unlearning habits that hinder productivity and facing discomfort head-on showcase a dedication to inner peace. The emphasis on keeping negativity at bay and rejecting unsolicited advice underlines a commitment to personal well-being. Wishing you a transformative and self-loving journey in 2024 filled with achievements, joy, and fulfilling connections.
Loved the way you put it – unresolutions. 2023 was tough for you, but it is so great to see you come out of those negative thoughts and ready to handle yourself. I wish you all the best and a happy 2024.