India, Marriage, People, Relationships, Sharing views, Women

Your pocket or mine?

Marriage is as much a journey into self-exploration as it is about discovering and deciphering someone else. “Whatever belongs to me, belongs to you.” is one of the most clichéd reiterations romantic and/or married couples generously sprinkle over each other. However, pocket, phone or privacy in general, many don’t spare a thought to mark boundaries or lay down clear exceptions.

An impromptu plan of potluck and dressing up brought few of us girl friends together the other day. We babbled about everything under the sun while cackling incorrigibly on the lamest jokes. As our eyes watered and our tummies hurt from the laughing, our conversations slowly veered towards marriage. To my surprise, some of them confessed stealthily raiding their husband’s pocket since their husbands kept close tabs on their expenses.

This was quite a revelation for me. More so, because I and A don’t even touch each other’s wallets without permission. We exchange our credit and debit cards occasionally but feel uncomfortable keeping them with us once the transaction is done. It isn’t about trust, mind you, it is about giving each other and our personal things space and respecting it.

We’ve handed over large sums of money to each other from our personal accounts on occasion and we’ve also paid them back. Although we never use them, our passwords aren’t kept secret either. I haven’t had to account for a single penny to A as yet. I keep aside (after quibbling of course) even the odd note he forgets to remove while putting his trousers in the laundry bag.

Women, like my Mom, can be excellent financial planners when it comes to their household. She took the challenge of setting up her home with Dad’s modest income head on and managed to turn it around impressively. “Insaan ki niyat acchi honi chahiye” she would tell me when I was a kid. I’m glad that some of her virtues and teachings have rubbed off on me too. Mothers are indeed our first and best teachers.

What if your husband walks out of home unbeknownst that you’ve emptied his wallet? Wouldn’t he be embarrassed if he can’t find any bank or ATM around? Taking few tens or fifties from a pocket is like lose change. How many times would one have to resort to this exercise even to get a decent purse? As wives we have a right over it but do we really want to use it in this fashion?

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24 Comments

  1. Wow Varsha your article is eye-opening. I’ve been fortunate that my husband has never asked me to account for my spending, and in fact he is very liberal with handing me cash if I ever ask for it (which is rare).
    I guess there are all sorts of people and situations in this world!

  2. I do agree with what you have said above. I too never touch my husband wallet without his permission as if he is unaware of it might land him in trouble.

  3. A thought provoking read indeed. It is important to give each other the space in terms of finances as well as trust each other to never misuse the right a couple has on each other’s wallets. I too believe in being honest and transparent in money matters.

  4. I do firmly believe in this whatever is your is mine. So well said and just love the post. Yes the intentions should be good at the end.

  5. jhilmildsaha says:

    Absolutely agree, marriage is something which depends on both partners, we should respect the boundaries. I don’t even touch a penny without his permission.

  6. Hi Varsh,

    Quite an interesting read. Actually it differs from person to person. I agree with you that we should give some privacy to our partners.

    Thanks for sharing, have a good day.

  7. Nisha Malik says:

    Another interesting write-up from you. You have that unique quality in your writing which actually creates an impact. Good job.

  8. Even I feel, moms were the best financial planners, And yes taking money out from any close ones pocket without informing them should always be avoided as we don’t know at what time will an emergency come! I am definitely sharing this blog ahead.

  9. I too believe that a Woman is the best financial planners when it comes to their household. A very interesting thought provoking article.

  10. this is what we do to. my husband never asks me where i spend, cause he trusts and understands that his money will be spent wisely.

  11. This is a very relate-able read Varsha, We also follow almost same logic at home when it comes to my money or yours. Well, again it all comes to understanding and trust.

  12. I think most of the Indian woman experienced it either once or many times.

  13. This is a wonderful share..

    You are right when you say that even in closest relationship like marriage one should set some bounderies and respect privacy..

  14. That’s so well weaved Varsha, like you me and husband too never invade each other’s finances ever until there’s a critical need. Glad you brought this up

  15. This is an eey opening post, Varsha. And a topic most people would not share aloud.Why would you want to steal from your own spouse? Baffling! But then I have also heard of spouses being such penny pinchers and so controlling that the partner is forced to take extreme measures.

  16. Such a wonderful post varsha ..seriously it comes with trust between the people…and you have just written what is so relateable!!

  17. TripleAmommy says:

    Wow I can’t believe how someone could raid their spouse’s wallet. Actually I would hate to depend on my husband for any of my needs.

  18. Quite a thoughtful post. I never access my husband’s wallet but it’s a good point to ponder about for those who do. I am pretty sure everyone has their own reasons to do so.

  19. We keep our finances very different right from the beginning. No one touches each others wallets or cards in our home.

  20. My Husband and I are the same as you…a decency is been maintained…if I ever need some cash I ask him and so does he…

  21. Sharvari Paivaidya Mehan says:

    This is very well written now each to their own in terms of joint or individual finances. We have both joint accounts for fam expenses and also have individual accounts to spend on personal stuff

  22. Neha Sharma says:

    That’s quite an eye opener if it reaches the intended audience. In our family, we are quite open about financial matters & there’s nothing like mine & yours. We trust each other & know what are our limits too. My husband has a habit of maintaining a certain amount in my wallet, so every time I check my wallet, I find it refilled since he knows how careless I am. But never once he has questioned me about my expenses.

  23. Surbhi Mahobia says:

    You have touched upon a very sensitive subject with a lot of maturity. I am so glad to came across your article. Sharing it further with friends.

  24. Thank you for this post, Varsh – a very sensitive but relevant subject in this age of mistrust! I agree that it is very important to be a sound financial planner and not use marriage as an “excuse” to empty your partner’s purse without his/her knowledge! After all, the genuine meaning of even that cliched saying – what’s mine is yours – gets diluted the moment you start being sly.

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