The guestpost for this month is by Ravish Mani, a blogger with whom I’ve had interesting conversations and discussions over various topics. I enjoy his sensible take on deep and complex issues. Today he’s sharing with us his ideas about what makes a happy relationship and how you can be part of one.
How to be Happy in a Relationship? Relationship Rules & Myths
Before revealing the ways of how to be happy in a relationship, I’d like to tell you about the greatest myth that love is essential for happiness in a relationship. Love is not at all required for a healthy relationship. In fact, love is the end of relationship.
As per the dictionaries, relationship is defined as the way in which two or more people or things are connected. The minimum persons required to form a relationship is two, but there’s no place for two in love. Kabir said, “The path of love is very narrow, it cannot accommodate two.”
Relationship Rule #1: Don’t confuse relationship with love
Majority of the relationship problems could be solved with the basic understanding that being in a relationship doesn’t mean being in love.
Relationship and love are two different things. Relationship is bidirectional while love is unidirectional. Most of the time, the love that we talk about and share in our daily life is not love in its true sense but a kind of relationship.
True love is unconditional, but the love we experience on daily basis is based on conditions. It’s mostly the desire of being desired. We value those who make us feel valuable. We indulge in some kind of exchange to satisfy our ego. Love is not the business of exchanging desires but a feeling of caring without any reason.
Relationship Rule #2: Choose your relationship conditions wisely
Love is boundless, but relationship is bound by conditions. We choose the conditions of our relationships, knowingly or unknowingly. So, it’s better to choose them wisely to be happy in a relationship.
Before entering into any relationship, know the purpose of the relationship very well: Why is this relationship needed? What are the objectives of this relationship? What are the expectations of this relationship? What are your responsibilities in it? What are the hard limits? What are the tell-tale signs of not-working relationship? When and how do you want to end this relationship?
Partners should be clear about their roles in a relationship to enjoy it fully.
Relationship Rule #3: Evaluate short-term as well as long-term objectives
Most often, it happens that you see a potential mate and propose. Soon, you start dating and decide to marry your date. Suddenly, after marriage, you find that everything has changed, and you’re thinking whether you’re blind or the person has changed.
Well, neither you’re blind nor the person has changed. The only thing that has changed is the nature of your relationship. The objectives and expectations of a dating-relationship are entirely different from a marriage-relationship. So, whenever you’re planning to enter into a relationship, evaluate and discuss the short-term as well as the long-term objectives with your partner, carefully.
Relationship Rule #4: Form relationship with those who share your beliefs and values
It’s often said that trust is essential for a successful relationship, but it’s never stated how to trust someone. Could you trust a stranger?
I’m pretty sure that nobody trusts a stranger, but what’s the definition of a stranger? Any citizen of your nation within your country is a stranger if you have never met him before, but he would not be a stranger if you meet him outside of your country, first time. Why?
This is because you start to feel a connection with him. You, suddenly, find that he’s your fellow countryman. You feel a sense of belonging with him. The chances are you’ll trust him more than the citizen of that country because this very sense of belonging and being connected will give you a feeling of safety in his company.
Trust is nothing but a feeling you get when you’re around those who share your values and beliefs. Ensure that your core beliefs and values match with your partner before entering into a relationship.
Relationship Rule #5: Make provisions for sorry as well as exit
There’s no trust without risk. It’s likely that someone would betray you despite you follow all that is said above. Amanda Palmer said, “If there isn’t a real risk that someone would cross the line, then it wouldn’t be real trust.”
It’s also a fact that the mind of a person may change at any time, so make provisions for sorry and apology, too, and also design an exit plan before entering into a relationship for cases in which there’s no room left for negotiation and you want to separate.
Relationship Rule #6: Use relationship as a means to unify with the Divine
Relationship is not love but a journey towards love. The purpose of the relationship is to lead you to the experience of LOVE – the Ultimate Truth – the God.
The path of love is very narrow, it cannot accommodate two;
When I existed, God didn’t, now God exists, I don’t.
Have you ever pondered over the phrase “I fall in love?” In love, ‘I’ falls. With ego or I-ness, you cannot enter into love. Love is the experience of egolessness. Love is the greatest death, that’s why Sufis call it Fanaa, which literally means annihilation and is often illustrated by the phenomenon of moth catching fire.
About Ravish Mani
Ravish Mani helps people in sorting out dilemmas & changing attitudes. He writes motivational & spiritual posts at https://ravishmani.com and shares his views on books at http://rvsh.in . He recently published a short story on Amazon, Love Is An Ice-cream Cone, which distinguishes transcendental love from transactional love.
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