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Tales of a Teetotaller #Guestpost by Mayuri Nidigallu

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Amongst the many new things I’ve planned for my blog this year, one is to invite guest posts from some wonderful bloggers I’ve had the good fortune of knowing over the last few years. On the 15th of every month I’m going to hand over the reins of my blog to someone whose imagination is as lively and fun as his/her wordplay. The first guest post in this series is by a blogger I’ve come to respect and adore for being the sweet, caring, supportive and amazing person she is. Read on as Mayuri shares some light moments of her teetotaller life with you. 🙂

Tales of a Teetotaller

I have had an inkling of it for a while now. Careful and constant observation has confirmed it. And I am now completely convinced that I belong to the fast-heading-towards-extinction species, otherwise known as, ‘Teetotallers’.

A Teetotaller in today’s world is a rare specimen. Everyone wants to get a closer look, and ask lots of questions. The expressions that usually accompany the questions are the kind people would have on their faces if they spotted Mike Tyson knitting or Mick Jagger with a crew cut or Maneka Gandhi masticating a succulent bit of tandoori chicken.

“You don’t drink? You don’t smoke? You must be joking!” is the incredulous refrain each time I choose an orange juice over a Vodka or I am the only one not smoking. Now I do joke, yes, but drink or smoke, no.

“Not even a beer?” is the question that typically follows next.

“Beer. Now that’s something I…”

“I knew it! You do drink after all!” a victorious smile usually accompanies this statement.

“…only use to condition my hair with” a crestfallen smile replaces the victorious one the face wore an instant ago.

“So, you’ve never, ever had an alcoholic drink?” is the other most-asked question.

Now, my curiosity could teach cats a thing, or twenty, but strangely enough I have never been curious enough to try an alcoholic drink.

The opportunities to do so were, and still are, plenty. But just like I have never been inquisitive enough to find out the flavor of an Octopus or the texture of Dog meat, in the same way I have never wanted to know what an alcoholic drink tastes like.

And that’s why I don’t drink. Simple.

The reason I don’t need a drink is because I’m always high on life.

So, I’ve never had an alcoholic drink. But, I would be lying if I said I haven’t ever wondered how it would feel to be drunk.

Holi around the corner and the compelling curiosity to find out led me to adventurously glug down two enormous glasses of ‘Bhaang’ (hiding behind a tree, if details interest you.)

While I waited for the Indian version of Dope to intoxicate me, I smiled to myself at pleasurable Bhaang-induced very-soon-to-be-inebriated-visions of myself a) Dancing wildly for the next couple of hours b) Laughing uproariously for the next few days c) Sleeping off the whole of the following week d) Pointing out at Bhaang-induced multiple images of people and laughing some more e) All of the above and in no particular order and proudly regaling all and sundry with all of the above anecdotes at every given, or forcefully taken, opportunity.

After a good one hour, when I was still ‘all there’ in the head, just smiling pleasantly and not laughing uproariously, and could still see people in singular form, without the much anticipated double vision, I grew suspicious. Only to find out that all I had done was upped my calcium intake. The supposedly-spiked Bhaang was just flavored milk.
The real Bhaang was hidden away and accessible only to people of the inner clique (read people who were notorious drunks and the ones who could hold their drink, and I guess didn’t qualify for either.)

So no, I have never, ever had an alcoholic drink. And now I no longer even wonder how it would feel to be drunk either.

But when repeatedly faced with a multitude of these questions I wish I wasn’t a Teetotaler and could gulp down a drink for some Dutch courage. But I just make do with a deep breath, a resigned smile and patiently answer all the queries, adding the Bhaang incident if I am in a good mood.

Mayuri Nidigallu is a Tarot Reader by profession and a Writer by design. Since she is already aware of what the future holds, she enjoys unwrapping the present.

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41 thoughts on “Tales of a Teetotaller #Guestpost by Mayuri Nidigallu

  1. Thank you so much Mayuri for kicking off this guestpost series. Loved reading your post. Being ‘high on life’ is a great thing! Wish more people followed this logic.

  2. Such a light read! Got high after reading it. Lot many tongue in cheek moments!!!
    And yes, next time when I will go for a “cheers”, I m gonna find Mayuri sitting somewhere in the corner of my thoughts… hahaha!

    1. Am I glad or what to have someone for company! I felt I was the lone one here who didn’t mind ‘cheering’. 😛 (now that’s my tongue in cheek moment 😉 )
      Your comment made me laugh, Anagha. Really! 😀

  3. Hey Mayuri! I so relate to this! Never felt the need to become a social drinker.but out of curiosity, once did try to get drunk. Sadly, could experience no “high’. So i guess even I am high on life, like you. A very interesting article.

  4. Well i think i can safely say i am not one.. being punjabi does that to you ??

    Although these days i rarely drink .. i too have a bhaang episode which was very hilarious…

    Thank you for introducing another blogger… good luck to Mayuri….

    1. Hey Bikram! Where have you been? How have you been? So happy to see you on my new blog! :-))))

      Punjabis are known for that. Even if they weren’t, you’re allowed your vices if you please. 🙂

      Share your bhaang episode with us. There’s time for holi but we can all use a laugh. Glad you liked Mayuri’s post. She will be happy too, I’m sure. 🙂

  5. What a breezy read. I enjoy my drink every now and then but sometimes I just pretend to drink while people let loose. Oh those are some conversations then ?

  6. What an interesting read, I find myself in you being a non drinker, though being a marketing professional, I was always offered one. But this holiday , I’m gonna try bhaang to know of any highs or lows.

  7. This is something I can relate with, I have been through this kind of situations many times where my circle could not digest so easily that I have never tried alcohol. I would definitely love to read interesting Bhaang story of Mayuri. 🙂

  8. i used to feel out of place to be true when i didn’t use to drink, i now drink but it depends on what kind of company i am in. i enjoy both the phases, but can surely relate to this. best of luck mayuri.

  9. Mayuri is not alone in being a teetotaller! My mother and my husband are two prominent people in my life who do not drink and are constantly fending off offers to drink at social gatherings!

  10. I also sail in the same boat when it comes to consuming any alcoholic drinks. I also get the same question when I tell anyone that Indonesia’s drink, not even occasionally. Reason is the same-never felt the need or curiosity.

  11. This statement “Not even beer…” even I have said it many times… ha ha.. but I really feel drinking or no drinking should be acceptable like veg/non-veg. However it is a big repulsion for me when people hide… also looking down on women who drink… is so uncool. Bhaang is something would like to have one day.. 😀

  12. Whoa, this post is simply so so relatable! Even during my office parties, I used to sip a glass a mocktail as I’m a teetotaler. And somehow I take pride in my regime of NO drinking and NO smoking!

  13. I don’t think you are alone in this, Mayuri. There are many to join your gang. I won’t say I never had, I tried a couple of times after marriage with my hubby just out of curiosity. But never hankered for it.

  14. What an interesting read this was. Addiction for liquor is yet a mystery to me, first of all it taste weird and secondly, i think, I never felt the need for this.

  15. I can relate! People find it difficult to accept choices others make if they are different from their own/ not mainstream.
    I prefer a good cup of coffee any day over a drink, and prefer to meet people at a cafe than at a bar (& have had many a gentleman cancel a catch up on some pretext or the other when I state my choice of venue! lol!)

  16. Loved reading this post by Mayuri. I can say even I gazed in the similar views as I am also in the same boat not even beer kind of person.
    Varsha, are you still doing guest post series, then let us know.

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