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A self-made custom

October 9, 2016

Dear Angel,

It is true that it was me whose finger you held when you took your first baby step, but in more than one respect it is you who has taught me that anything can be dealt with, if we get up after each fall and take one step at a time.

I don’t think I’ve yet fully gotten the hang of being a mother to a daughter. I don’t think I ever will. Everyone says daughters are special, and I fully agree. I only wish someone could make me understand what makes them so special! 🙂

Every time you smile, my heart skips a beat. I simply want to run to you and hide and protect you from this big bad world, anyhow. Whenever you say Ma and come into my arms I feel like I was born to play this role in my life.

Today is Durga-Ashtami. This was your second Navratri, but since last time you were too young to imbibe anything, we can discount that for now. You looked radiant in the yellow salwar-kurta I dressed you up in and danced around happily in the house.

Mata ki jyot, going to the nearby pandal for Devi darshan or having girls over for lunch at our place was all new for you, but you enjoyed every bit of it! Also, I must mention that you loved it when Papa and Bhaiya touched your feet everyday in Navratri and said, ‘Khush rakhna Mata!’ 😀

I broke my Navratri fast today, after the Kanya Jiman. For someone essentially regarded as non-religious, observing a strict non-mandatory fast is considered quite a feat by others. While I cringe and complain of acidity and headaches even for a day-long fast, my faith in myself and my beliefs is reinstated during this time.

This was my third year of fasting and you are going to be two next month. I wonder if in some way this isn’t just a happy coincidence. I mean, there are compulsory fasts I observe for Papa and Bhaiya, but this one is between you and me! A mother-daughter bonding thing, if you will. 🙂

I don’t believe my starving is going to make much difference in your life, to be very honest. What I do believe is that our customs don’t obligate women to do anything special for other women. I’m happy with myself for not abiding by that. You’re my girl, and everything I do is for your well-being and happiness. (Shall I try not to be happy that I lost weight during this time 😉 ?)

Love,

Ma.

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95 thoughts on “A self-made custom”

        1. Oh! Hats off to you for sending her. My mom never sent me anywhere. ????
          Ya…I felt you would relate to it. Its just that your girl’s a bit grown up. Moms we both are. ☺

          2. It is a different kind of experience. Learning experience. Kerala is such a beautiful place..she’s going to enjoy herself a lot! ????

      1. ???????????????????? I used to fight a lot with my mom…over the most stupid things. I guess she took nonsense from me earlier…then the roles reversed when I became a mom and realised how bad I was. ????????????????????????

          1. ???????????????????? I made fun of my mom like no one else. She was always sporting about it. My friends too loved hanging out with her.

          3. Ya, that’s true. The kind of relationship I had with my parents, A never had with his. Theirs was and is still a formal relation. As kids we don’t understand that..

          4. Very true Varsh. That is why I said generation gap. And its not just that, they don’t want to change. My parents told me long back that they won’t change so whatever it is, I need to adjust. I can’t adjust for everything and this results in arguments . That way I feel American lifestyle is better. My cousins went out of their house and they lived independently once they turned 18. That is how you learn responsibility isn’t it.

          5. Very true. When the situation comes to a head it becomes difficult to comprehend who’s happiness we need to give prominence. Americal lifestyle is better in some ways…but don’t you think living away drives you further away from them…?

          6. I don’t believe that since they are our parents,its our duty to look after them. May be when they are old then visit them few times. Everybody has a life of their own. Same way, when I grow old, I wouldn’t want my adopted child or whoever it would be, to look after me. If they want to then fine, but it’s all upto them. ????
            It’s not about driving someone away. Being attached so much to someone is not good when we know that one day we all will cease to exist. ????

          7. Ah…the spiritual side of Rekha has started talking! ☺
            I lost my mother last year. Its true we all cease to exist some day, but it is only our memories that live much longer than us. Atleast the ones we leave behind us should feel warm and comforting while remembering us.

          8. Haha.. my spiritual side is always there, lurking around the corner ????????
            Yes Varsh, those memories what we have and they have should be happy ones. We cannot sacrifice our happiness for someone else, blood relative or not. That is what I feel. ????

        1. That would be a very noble thing to do, for yourself. All the best for it. ????????
          I wanted a girl too, always. As per my choice Angel should’ve been older, but this way she gets to be pampered by everyone! Especially A Jr. ????????????

          3. Not wallet. I don’t want his money.. I have a Rakhi brother, I am happy with him. Or did you mean valet? Only chauffer is enough. And he had to have a royal Enfield bike. ???????? I wish there was some technology where you can create a brother the way you wanted him to be… ????????

          4. I pestered my elder cousins for chocolates even when I had money. There’s some other kind of fun in that I feel. ????????????
            Hahaha…arre if we could create…every other guy would be hot like Brad Pitt and humble like Amitabh Bachchan. Kahan possible hai wo! ????????????????????

          5. I don’t like both ???? Rami Malek would do ????????????
            Even now I ask my neighbours to get chocolates when they come back from foreign countries. ???????????????? Cousins are all too old, their kids are in their Teenage so they don’t get chocolates for me ???? they get jewellery and all which I dont even use. I give it off to my friends ????????????

          6. Hahaha…I love Brad Pitt. ❤❤❤
            I ask friends for chocolates too. Shamelessly at that. ????
            Why don’t you ask your cousins for chocolates then? ????

          8. Hahaha…that comes with the territory. Fake feeling of superiority for nothing that can be called their achievement. ????????????????????

          10. ???????????? My cousins speak in Hindi, thankfully. But A’s have been born and brought up there…so they can’t manage it. Some try…some feel it is too down market. ????????????

          11. Initially even I used to feel – they speak in English so should I. Then I was like, why should I when it’s not my mother tongue. You speak to a stranger, then speak in English. But not with these. My dad’s cousin complained once that I need to speak to her in English so that I ‘improve’ my command over the language. Last yr when I met her, she’s like someone told me not to forget my mother tongue and they criticized me for not knowing anything about our culture. Since then I have decided to speak in Konkani.
            Jaise karni, waise bharni ????????????????

          12. ???????????????????? Thankfully no one tortured me for not speaking Marwari. I learnt it myself. Even Marathi for that matter…because we live in Maharashtra and it makes sense.
            We should know our mother tongue always. English is an acquired language. It irks me a lot when strangers look down upon you when you converse in Hindi. ????

          13. There is someone whom I know. They speak in English even with the shopkeeper ???????????????? that too butler English. I speak in Kannada whenever I visit malls and all. Those sales people feel good when you converse in a language that they are comfortable in. ????
            We always speak in Konkani at home. Though relatives speak in english, I reply in Konkani. Finally they get pissed and start replying in Konkani ????????????

          14. ???????????????????? I’ve been mistaken for a Marathi…Bengali….Gujrati lady till now. Anything but Marwari. ????????????
            Speaking in English at home is quite strange. I tried doing that to teach A Jr correct conversation techniques but gave up after some time.

          15. In my college, south people thought I am north indian, north people thought I am south Indian! Even when I go out, shopkeepers start talking in hindi and when I reply in Kannada they are like ???????????? ????????????
            And when I am conversing with mum in Konkani, people think I am shouting at my mum ???????? I speak really fast . So mum says, shhhhh people think you are scolding me.

          16. ???????????????? Its fun. Why aren’t we Indians in India like we are elsewhere? ????????????
            Hahaha….I can imagine her situation. ????????????

          17. We are all Indians inspite of whether we are from north, south, East or west! When I dad was transferred to Bombay, someone asked him if he was a madrasi, my dad said I am an Indian.
            Haha.. only our cat clearly understands what I talk ????????????????

          25. I can parcel her to you. She’s anyways sitting in a box. She’s inflicted the sofa and deewan with her fur and fleas, now she’s doing it on cupboards ???????? her fleas bit me and for one month I had severe allergy. After that, I don’t go near her. Even her fur is causing rashes. Something wrong with me ????????????

      1. ????????????????????
        I being the only child, I feel my parents are over protective about me. I told them recently that see you guys won’t be there until I die, so let me live my life, if people cheat, I ll learn my lesson. So don’t go on being my bodyguards. After that, they grew up I guess. They don’t say much these days ????????????

        1. ???????????????? With one child parents go slightly overboard with everything…too much love and too much protectiveness. ☺☺☺
          I now know yaar…parents go through stages too…we need to pay heed to them too…! ????

          1. Hmm, in my case the age difference between them and me is slightly more than average. So we are like 1.5 generations apart. I was never a problematic child, it was just me and story books, so never gave them trouble. When I see other kids now, being so very naughty, I tell my parents that they should be proud about me ????????????????

          2. ???????????????? I was a good girl too. It was my brother who wreaked havoc in our house. He would fall…get cut…meet with some accident…every other day. Mom spent half his childhood in the hospital with him. ????????????????

          3. I spent almost the whole of my childhood alone in the house during vacations.???? My parents used to work, so i was at home, cleaning or watching TV. Once while I was dusting the windows a lizard fell on me. I knew screaming is not going to help so I picked it up and threw it away.????????????

          4. ???????????????????? Wow…hats off to you!! You picked and threw a lizard?? ????????????
            My mom was a housewife….so we were never alone as such. But yes, there were strict rules to be followed in the house. We did follow when we were kids…not after that. ????????????

  9. This is such a sweet letter and even a sweeter custom you made. Mothers and daughters share a very beautiful bond which only they can understand, they fight & cry but the next moment they want each other close. Loved it!

  10. Such a beautiful letter u have written for your Angel!! I too keep fast for the well being of my daughters on Ahoi Ashtami , though basically its kept for boys. Nevertheless, I keep – as u said – mother-daughter bonding thing 🙂

  13. There’s something beautiful and magical about Navratras. How amazing is that you get the strength and a fervent desire to keep all the fasts and do it with a smile too. Glad that you are following the customs and traditions associated with Navratri and sharing it with your daughter too!

  15. Thats such a heart felt letter to a daughter. It was as if every mom speaking their heart out to their daughter. Very nice post.

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