Love, Marriage, Whines and whispers, Women

To love or to romance

“Is it really necessary for me to say the obvious? Some things are felt and understood, and stating them outright shouldn’t be important. What is love anyway?”

These beautiful sugar-coated words were showered upon me by A the other day when I grumbled (for the nth time!) why he never says (without much coaxing) that he loves me. His logic always was, and still is, simple. We are happily married, have two lovely kids, have no worrisome financial or health issues, have a lot to look up to in life and manage to go by most of the days without wanting to claw each other’s eyes and hair out. So, in effect, the love is implicit.

Possibly, he’s right. That is, if I think purely from the men’s angle everything needs to be seen and done rationally. Sadly, women aren’t made like that. When it comes to work, skill, or performance we can undoubtedly beat a man at his own game, but in matters of the heart, we are still the soft, lovelorn, fragile, and utterly adorable creatures God intended us to be. 🙂 😉 🙂

To love or to romance_avibrantpalette

Pardon the partiality, but I’m going to stick to the case of married women like me. Women love to be wooed, not necessarily with a bouquet of red roses and a horse carriage waiting at their doorstep to take them away to dreamland. Neither does every woman approve of her better half splurging on unnecessary expensive jewellery for her. Being romantic isn’t always limited to physical gestures.

The thing about romance is that it doesn’t essentially involve love. Confused? Let me explain. When a boy likes a girl and goes all out to woo her, it doesn’t always mean he loves her. He might’ve taken a liking for her and probably wants to spend some time with her to feel the organic magic of love or to know whether they have a future. It might or might not happen. That’s pure romance at work.

In marriages, especially Indian marriages, love develops and remains over time but romance goes out the window pretty quickly. While negotiating the many roles a girl has to assume post-marriage, her individuality, preferences, likes, and dislikes start getting influenced by loads of ‘outer’ factors. What she needs and craves is an effort to make her feel special.

I agree saying ‘I love you’ doesn’t solve any of life’s problems, but try saying that to your wife once in a while and you will find the lovely smile on her face begins to erase any worries you might have at that point of time. Taking her out on a date isn’t essential, just ask her to leave all the chores for later and to come and watch television with you. Share a sweet or a chocolate with her.

Wait, A does all this. Does this mean he loves me and just doesn’t want to say it? Um, isn’t this just what he said? What am I cribbing about exactly, I seem to forget. Ha ha! 😛 😛 😀

Well, try as you may, you can’t change a person according to your liking, right? We have to find a midway. Enterprising women like me who have incredibly boring husbands can try this. Message him, call him, ping him, do whatever you can, but at least once in a day say something beautifully romantic. His reaction and reply may depend upon how much of a lost cause he is, but you will feel wonderful. 🙂

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24 thoughts on “To love or to romance

      1. Can call it love, romance or friendship .. It is human nature to feel happy 🙂 when loved ones do, makes the recipient happier 🙂 but bone of contention it is all the time when it is juxtaposed against feeling/actions of men and women! 🙁

        1. Some people like to be told…some don’t find it necessary. I guess both can be kept happy by knowing and acting for their happiness. What say?

  1. Hmmmm I have so much ti learn it seems..

    Any more pointers mam… ????????

    But I do beleive words can be said but what the use if they are not meant.. and moreover actions do speak a lot..
    Also one should remeber such actions because what happens if we forget such and remember the bad action always.. It should be the other way round forget the bad part and remeber yhe gpod only .. Won’t life be so much more beautiful. ..

    Just my 2 cents worth of thought. .

  2. Enjoyed reading this one cause I could relate with it. It’s exactly similar communication which I have exchanged. I guess women need assurance and attention both,time to time! Something that we men find it difficult to understand and follow!

    1. True. There are things that men take for granted but which women need reassurance about. No matter how much we explain, I guess somewhere the point doesn’t get through. Then posts like this come up for us to vent out our feelings. 🙂

      Thanks for your comment Arv. Welcome here. 🙂

      1. I guess it’s just how male and female are wired. it’s not about who’s right and wrong, but how we perceive things. I’m glad you made this post. 🙂

  3. Glad you liked it Arv. By any chance have you read ‘Why men don’t listen and women can’t read maps?’ It is a fun read. I was laughing most of the time since I could relate to the situations and did manage to get some simple answers.

  4. Sometimes men are expressive but women aren’t. Some thing that may be of a great importance to women like just sitting together or sharing a happy memory may not be of a great importance to men. But I feel what makes the love alive and youthful is the small gestures (verbal or nonverbal) that we husband and wife do for each other.

  5. I loved the word “incredible boring” and also loved your thoughts on topic. I believe everyone has their own way of expressing feelings and sometimes, being on other side, you need to learn the art of understand that feelings even when it is not conveyed by using proper words or big gesture.

  6. Well love to me is an emotion and it dont need words always to express how much one loves someone. I can be romantic to a person only when I love him… and even if he dont repeat “I LOVE YOU” I know he(hubby) loves me. Here you mentioned that In Indian marraiges love develops and remains over time but romance goes out the window pretty quickly. My opinion is different in that… if its arranged marraige … Its just Adat (habit) staying with the same person for long more than love. Love cannot happen with an arrangement. Love exists in Love marraige but with no confirmation how long will it stay. Romance …. do exist in both Love and arranged marraige… as romance creates moments and is of limited time period and can happen again… but for limited time. Love continues if we handle it with care, emotion and passion.

  7. There are sometimes when a conversation might sound romantic but it’s friendship. Someone who cares, who understand and every person have their own take on relationship. You have beautifully penned it down.

  8. It is a matter of different emotional makeup of men and women. As they say, “men are from Mars and women from Venus.” Married couples need to work to keep the spark of romance burning, especially the men, I dare say! Sandy N Vyjay

  9. Haha….loved how you expressed concern over men not communicating about romantic emotions. I think we as women need assurance and a sort of validation that we are in safe (loving) hands;)

  10. Well that’s a burning topic.. Love or romance.. In India I would say love might exist but much contrary to the perception of foreigners about Indian men, the latter don’t know a dime about romance. Actually If I think they also dont know how to treat their women correctly. This is more because of the inequality in the society per se.

  11. Oh this and a lot of things have happened in our lives. Now all of a sudden if I say I love you to my husband, he may like it but may feel I’m having a fever or I have somehow zoned out. But maybe I should try. Good thinking.

  12. From a men’s perspective, the concept of “to love or to romance” often entails navigating a delicate balance between expressing affection and maintaining genuine emotional connections. While romance can be a wonderful expression of love, men like me often emphasize the importance of authenticity in their relationships. They value meaningful gestures, deep conversations, and acts of kindness as ways to demonstrate love, understanding that it goes beyond traditional romantic gestures. For many men, love involves being present, supportive, and emotionally available, fostering a profound connection with their partners that transcends superficial expressions of romance.

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