Friends, General, Such is life

Mistaken Friends or Mistakenly Friends?

Recently I reconnected with one of my oldest friends. Although we were poles apart, we spent a better part of our lives being best friends and have the fondest memories of our childhood. We do regret depriving ourselves of this special bond owing to a silly misunderstanding created between us by another friend of ours and have decided to talk it out with each other from now on, whatever the matter is. All’s well that ends well. Right?

How many times does something like this happen though? How often do we give ourselves as well as someone else another chance? Is ‘forgive and forget’ really as simple and easy as it sounds?

Ironically, what I wrote in the first paragraph was a happy exception. I’m someone who cannot easily forgive and can never forget. I have an elephant’s memory when it comes to defining moments. Anything that has left a lasting effect on my mind and heart regardless of how happy, sad, embarrassing, guilty, hurtful etc. it was stays with me forever.

Teenage came to me with a wide set of problems, which I now know is very common. I was always easy to get along with but had very few friends. I had serious trouble blending in with a new crowd and almost always made myself look and feel like a geek. This, despite the fact that I was good at academics, accomodating and non-fussy. I craved for approval from wrong people and for the wrong reasons. Friendships were fickle, non-lasting and non-commital.

During and after graduation I came into my own and realised that our life is ours and no one else’s business. It was alright to fall, make mistakes and feel like a loser as long as I knew how to pick myself up and make a fresh start. The friends I made during that time are precious and superbly supportive. I can relate with them and occasionally rely on them.

So who exactly are the people I’m not forgiving then? Let’s say that I met one such person at every stage in my life. I try and refrain from being anywhere around them. I do talk to them but somewhere the hurt is still there. More so because I was purposely cornered after being called a ‘friend’. My weaknesses were targeted, even highlighted with amazing expertise while the efforts I put in to still be the bigger person went waste.

Occasionally one such person finds me from somewhere and tries to behave like we are cut out from the same cloth and it’s a pity that we aren’t woven together like before. Wonder how can anyone even have the nerve to feign such hollow relevance.

I know holding back isn’t healthy and must get a closure and move on. In a way, I believe I have. I have learnt the art of ignorance and am more openly expressive now. I’m not responsible for feeding someone’s guilt and ego. I’m sorted.

24 thoughts on “Mistaken Friends or Mistakenly Friends?

  1. Oh yes .. The famous forgive and forget but hiw. I can’t forgive or forget either..I might forgive but forget I won’t. .

    Surprisingly I am going to meet a friend this Saturday after 20+years I r3centlt got to know he is in uk.. so let’s see how it goes.. Spent 4 or 5 years of college each day with him.. I am just thinking will we still be on the same wavelength. .

    1. It is tough to be on the same wavelength. Have seen many of my friends change so much after college…its a little saddening but a bitter truth of life.
      Forgetting things might be noble I guess but it is tough. Esp if one is scarred to some extent…

  2. It’s very difficult for me to chat with a friend after not being in touch with him even for 2-3 years. I’ve hopefully not lost a friend to any misunderstanding yet

    1. Hi…long time no see ☺
      I have been out of touch a lot of times too. It is strange though to expect the same kind of bond to remain between friends. We all change…all grow up. With the friend in the first para….it seemed like nothing changed.
      Misunderstandings are bad in any relation. Hope doesn’t happen again.

      1. Ive always believed that if somebody is a friend and there is a misunderstanding, clear it with the friend and nobody else, if not there is no value.. so if somebody comes to me and say simething abt you, I’m free with you to come and diacus it with you, i think that defines a friendship, though some people love to encroach and creat wrong understandings and many believe!

        1. I had some tension brewing with this guy already…this misunderstanding creating guy took advantage of it. The worst part is, we let him. Anyway, better late than never. Feel blessed to be in touch again.
          I care a lot more for this friendship now. Guess it was a lesson for me in disguise.

  3. I suggest, forgive but do not forget.. relatively it is easy to forgive.. but when I say do not forget it is not like habouring the hurt or having an ill feeling, the hurt shd go away with the forgive part, keep it in some corner of the mind that it was done.. will become useful in dealing with the people later! Habits recur and history repeats 🙂

    1. I understand Pinsy. In fact I believed in giving people a second chance also. Seems like that is too much forgiving for some. Yes, learning something from the experience for future is good. ☺

  4. For me friendship is not talking daily …my best friend and me both of us speak to each other twice in a year and share same bond …don’t know why but our mutual feeling is we stand by each other in tough times without being asked…

  5. Of course it’s not possible to forget but you can always act like you have forgotten if things are good between the two people. I believe people can change if they want to.

  6. By forgiving, we learn to be kind towards ourselves. There is no use of holding on to something that is not giving us inner happiness. In a way we hurt ourselves and no positive vibes are circulated.

  7. I had lost a very dear friend due to misunderstandings but our bond was such that we couldn’t stay away from each other and we sorted out. I always had ample friends and somehow I enjoyed my whole life surrounded with good friends and cherishable friendships.

  8. I absolutely agree Varsha, forgive and forget isn’t a sure shot answer always. I am glad the chapter is closed and done and dusted from your side too. Life is what we make of it, so lets not waste away on things which are not needed.

  9. Be sorted is the best thing. Agreed! This is our life so control should be in our hands. And we keep control in our hands then why need approvals all the time. I enjoyed reading the whole post because I am relating to the situations.

  10. I also believe in talking things out. Have saved a friendship or two thanks to that! Glad you could get back together with an old friend.

  11. This post made me contemplate this feeling.. yes there are many “friends” read as people whom we think as friends and then in due course of time see them change/drift apart/ show there true colours.. well I feel it is not my cup of tea to reconnect with them..

  12. Very well said….forgive and forget…but human nature is such that it never happens..but then with friends if you are open and transparent and frank then I think that friendship lasts long..

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